Sunday, May 27, 2012

Woke up this morning with an intense feeling of gratitude.

I grew up with a psychopath, an alcoholic stepfather who liked to show his superior physical power every time he got drunk (and sometimes in between.) My life was based on fear. I never talked to anyone about it then. My little sister tried, but no one would listen. On the outside our stepfather was an incredible man taking care of his dead wife’s daughters. My mother died in cancer when I was 12 and my sister was 9. My stepfather was also a minister in the local church. Everybody thought the world of him. He loved to preach about family life and harmony. ..Even after I run away from home this still had a great impact upon my life. I had nightmares about my stepfather spying on me and chasing me, which wasn´t only nightmares he did so until I moved away far enough to make it too complicated for him. It affected my choice in men and I only had destructive relationships.

After a few years my nightmares developed into a strong need of revenge against the man that caused all this misery in my life. I doubt that I ever would have taken any actions even if I had the chance but I dreamed about it all the time. During daytime I had different successful careers.

Life goes on and I haven´t dreamed about my stepfather for a long time. I don´t feel any need for revenge nowadays. Last night I did dream about him though. It was a different dream, I was strong. In my dream I did tell the world about all the ways of this preacher man. I told his hometown, friends, newspaper- everyone. When I woke up I knew that I never have to do that. I already had my revenge. I´m happy! I´m truly happy, my life is based on love and trust. I´m deeply in love with my husband to be. I live in a beautiful place, surrounded by nature and horses. I always as long as I remember loved horses. You can´t fool a horse. A horse takes you for who you are. Their eyes are mirrors of your soul and force you to be present in the moment. They´ve helped me to overcome my fears. I had many horses as teachers.

One of my teachers - My rescue Horse Trigger
It feels great to bring a child into a world filled with love and freedom. I know that our daughter is going to grow up being loved by two parents that would to anything for her. I am grateful.

1 comment:

  1. Härligt att du kan lägga det bakom dig, grattis vännen ;)


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